I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want a musical about memes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
