brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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