I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Randomize