Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dicks are not precious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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