he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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