Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
