I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
