Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
