I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
