hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone says I win the strip club
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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