those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
