My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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