Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
