I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
