I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
