IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize