That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
