I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
