i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
