so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize