You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
