Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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