You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
