The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
