i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ate ashes out of my bong
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
