I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
