i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
