Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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