We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
