it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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