I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
