OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
