I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
