she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
