census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
