i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
