i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
