I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
