I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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