Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
