do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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