Your tits are I can't wait for
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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