Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
literally had 100 drinks last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like eating out sand paper
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
