this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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