Buhtt sex?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
