Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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