Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
