This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
