dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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