Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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