FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
