As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
