Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
