No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She needs sedatives and a leash
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
