i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
