she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
