I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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