I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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