Please, let me fuck your mom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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