This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
