The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
