someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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