now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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