can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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