hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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