I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
