I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passed out mid-signature
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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